Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Video Dreams (Part 3)

Jeremy, his heart now beating at a cardiac arrest pace, quickly reverted to the more appropriate “pull” method and all was right with the world once again. Jeremy took a short breath and entered, his eyes immediately shifting to anywhere there wasn’t another set of eyes staring back at him. The lack of eye contact gave him the power of invisibility – if he couldn’t see them, they couldn’t see him.

Glancing up he quickly took in the geography of the store just to make sure there hadn’t been any changes. To left, where it always was, was the shelf touting new releases, while to the right was the vast library of older video selections categorized by different genres – the video dream as it were. Further towards the back sandwiched between Horror and Classic Cinema was a pair of saloon style doors that lead to “another” section, an all too familiar layout for the video stores of the time. And for those not in the know, a sign reading “18 & Over ONLY” pasted to the old timey doors made it clear what was going down.

Jeremy quickly broke left to the shelf of new releases and started scanning the titles. His eyes glancing over “Adventures in Babysitting” and quickly spotting “Can’t Buy Me Love.” It didn’t take long to make the choice. Amanda Peterson was hotter than Elizabeth Shue as far as he was concerned, besides this was just the means to an end. Phase one was now complete and no one suspected a thing. He had often gotten hung up as to what new release to rent, so he was glad there was at least something he could settle on right away. Feeling good about the way his mission was going, he was able to muster up the courage to give a little look around the place, even acknowledging a fellow customer or two – he was blending in. To misquote Han Solo in “Star Wars”, “Don’t get cocky, Jeremy.”

As casual as could be, Jeremy glided through the store and into the aisles of “dreams”. Video Dreams had the selection… if you were looking for rare foreign films or hard to find imports, this was the store. Jeremy came upon the horror section and blankly examined the titles. The sound of the now nearby saloon doors squeaking open grabbed his attention and a rather large man (a little on the greasy/smelly side) entered the forbidden zone. Jeremy could feel his heart beating hard - all that was missing was Tex Avery drawing it physically pulsing through his skin.

To ease his nerves, he quickly went back to the faux scanning the horror titles. He immediately went to titles he’d gone for in the past. However, it would be too much of a giveaway. He wasn’t much of a horror fan to begin with and knew he wouldn’t watch whichever title he pulled anyway. And since there were a few minutes to kill, he thought it would be best to shift over to the Classic Cinema section and see what’s cooking. After all, there is no reason he couldn’t class up his film knowledge with the likes of a classic John Ford or Cassavetes film – he did have aspirations of working in show business, so why not make it an educational trip as well. However, before he could settle into selecting something with panache… there was a VHS of classic Daffy Duck cartoons that was just too hard to resist. He loved “Duck! Rabbit, Duck!”, so why not?

Just as he pressed the Daffy Duck VHS against Amanda Peterson as she was piggybacking a young Patrick Dempsey, that familiar saloon door squeak returned and greasy/smelly large guy shifted sideways as he made his way out through the porn doors, triple X in hand – the world began to move in slow motion as Jeremy stared in awe at the laissez-faire attitude this guy had – He was the Gandhi of porn renters clearly not giving two shits as to who knew what he was up to. Emerging from its depths with not one, but TWO tapes filled with Chatsworth’s finest offerings, the guy shuffled toward the check out counter sipping on his Orange Julius without a care in the world. Jeremy could have continued to stare but a choice now had to be made.

Could an adult section entrance move be this easy? The bridging of these two worlds was normally something that required charts, wormholes, and the altering of the space/time continuum, or at least it always felt that way to Jeremy. But fate brought him an unexpected surprise as the weight of greasy/smelly large guy pushed the saloon doors wide enough where it took a big swing back and forth and one man’s lack of need for privacy is another man’s defensive lineman.

Jeremy ascertained he could slip inside without even making physical contact with the semen-coated doors. His video wet dreams aside, Jeremy still had to contend with his germ phobic tendencies and while he could account for his own hygienic abilities when it came to his pre and post ejaculate clean up, he couldn’t speak for others and had to make the assumption they didn’t take the same pride their cleanliness – there would be much hand washing in the next twelve hours, but that was part of the ritual, so it didn’t phase him.

Right now the stars were aligned, deflector shields were down, and all systems appeared to be “go”. The large greasy/smelly dude created a front line of defense that would allow Jeremy to enter undetected. And just as quick as he devised this last minute audible he was executing the plan and in the blink of an eye he was gone. Vanished like a magician pulling the teleportation bit. He had just pulled off the most amazing slight of hand and could remain in the fortress of porn as long as he wanted and no one know… In reality, no one cared, but play back the security camera tapes and that porn section swing door move was one for the history books.



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