Tuesday, September 15, 2009

It's all I can stands -- and I can't stands no more

We are a population of failures -- we are selfish, immoral, ignorant, and fear based human beings. I realized today that the values in which I tried to lead my life are an unattainable fantasy -- there is no karma, there is no good versus evil... There is only "I" and what "I" want... and sadly, I fear it's what "I" must become.

For worse I have believed that there was more than "I" -- the concept of "us" and "we" were things I strived for in life. I was a fool to believe these things were possible -- the only "we" in this world is one's own children and even with them many people are willing to cast them aside for their own interest.

On this I will not bend - I will always stand by my children - I will die for my children - but I will sadly watch as they come to learn that t-shirt phrases such as "world peace" do not amount to anything... they are promises that can never be achieved... They will come to learn life is not fair... end of story.

Ignorance surrounds us from the politician who supports a bill on behalf of his interest groups to the dude who tries to corner me outside of Whole Foods to engage me about pollution or prop 8 (they are important issues, but there has got to be a better way to garner support). The bottom line is - all are guilty... ALL...

We are a breed of us versus them and that will always end in war -- whether it's the physical act or the emotional one we face as we try to make it through another day... Everyone is out for one thing... Self and self alone.

I have always been afraid.. Afraid of my mom - my dad - my step-dad - confrontation - failure -- afraid of upsetting the balance -- of upsetting other people. Casting my own opinion aside in favor of the one that makes YOU happiest... God forbid I have enemies. I no longer care what anyone thinks of me... I work hard and do the best I can, but I refuse to continue to try and live by some unattainable standard that no one seems to care about in the first place -- I say "fuck you" to my mother and "fuck you" to my father, and "fuck you" to my step-father, and "fuck you" to the world that raised me -- I say "fuck you" to those who don't know how to treat others with decency and respect... but at the same time, my hand is outstretched and ready to talk. And BTW, those looking to make this about my current separation from my wife... keep walking (we're both doing the best we can and that's all I can ask for from both of us).

I do not write this as passing judgment on you the reader -- I really don't know you. I write this to me because I'm the one who has to wake up and look in the mirror -- and I will continue to wake-up every day and live my life better -- whatever better is -- I will find it.

I once lived in a world where I thought I would be rewarded in some way for the way in which I conducted myself -- it's bullshit...

Make your life and don't rely on others to make it for you... PERIOD --

Don't tell me about your great idea for a script... WRITE IT... don't tell me about the things you're going to do... DO THEM... don't waste my time with what might be possible... TELL ME WHAT IS POSSIBLE.

As my therapist would say -- my spring has sprung --

Nice to meet you, world ... My name is Greg Longstreet... I love you.

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