Saturday, April 23, 2011

4/22/11 - 4/23/11

I hope you are all cutting me a little slack in that I'm not contributing to this thing EVERY day.  I mean, I am doing my best.  I think it's fairly obvious I'm putting forth the effort.  I'm about four months into this thing and have been contributing almost daily.  Come on, and at no cost to you theYOLD reader.  That's an amazing value.

Leave it to me to endure the emotional pain and pass the savings on to you.  That's how we roll here at theYOLD.

You'll start to notice as the year labors on that I will be revisiting topics.  Some things I may have only touched on in the past and now that some time has passed I'm able to elaborate, be it a lot or a little.

So, what do I want to elaborate on?  Well, a while ago, I spoke about how the more time passes the more used to being single I get - let me say that getting used to it doesn't mean I like it.  I still long for something more stable, ongoing, etc., but the more time passes the more difficult it gets to be open to it.  The more critical I become about who I will let myself get serious with... and bottom line - it's not hard to meet people, but it's fucking hard to meet the right person... and someone I am willing to invest myself in.  Perhaps it's that I no longer require being serious with someone in order to get physical with them and so now it's really up to their being an emotional/human connection to be willing to take it to the next step.  You can make-out, fool around, and sleep with tons of women without a  commitment, and it enables you to be more picky about who you do give yourself over to, which I think is a good thing.  I think when you're young and inexperienced, and you have some sex... and it's good... you allow yourself to just latch onto the person because you fear it will be difficult to find again.  Of course, with age and experience (which I can now say I have had a lot of in the last year and a half) you realize there is lots of good sex out there and full on commitment is not required to experience it... but on to what I want to talk about.

I had a thought today about my daughter and then I thought about something I said a while back on here.  I keep saying to friends I want my daughter to wait until she's older (in her 30s) before she gets married and settles in for the long haul.  The upside?   A person in their 30s is more settled in who they are and therefore less likely go through a grand metamorphosis in front of their significant other.  I do think those who meet and get married older have a better chance at lasting then those (like me) who get together and marry in their early to mid 20s... BUT -- here is what I fear.  There is something to be said about being young, dumb, and in love... and while many of us who got married young ended up not lasting, there was something fun and exciting about just doing it, thinking we were doing the right thing... because in some weird way - I think we were.  It's why I have no regrets.  I am nostalgic for that ignorance.  It's very childlike.  Yes we were adults, but there is that element of "playing house" together.  Now for some (or few) they're able to evolve into true grown-ups and last a lifetime in holy matrimony.  Others (or many) evolve and decide they've outgrown the person and it's time to move on.

As much as I'd like my daughter to be sensible and wait, I know that it's possible to be too sensible and you run the risk of never letting yourself take the leap - you also trade on the fun factor of it all.  And you also can become too sensible and never allow yourself to find "Mr. or Mrs. Right".  You can become a victim of yourself and suddenly find yourself 37 on OKCupid and having guys wonder why you're still single (don't worry, ladies, I know the same goes for guys).  It's my one saving grace as far as being 41 and single.  No one can question my ability to commit - I was married for 14 God damn years.  All I know is it's really going to take the right woman to make me settle in again.

I wish my daughter everything and if that means getting married in her 20s, so be it - if it means getting married in her 30s, so be it... I just hope she isn't 40 and single -- then it gets a little tougher.

I love my daughter and am awfully proud of the young lady she is becoming.  I am in awe of her every day.  Look, I can say nice things about the boy too, but this posting is for my girl.  The best, best, BEST thing.  And it's also another reason I know getting married when I did was the right thing... because I had her and wouldn't trade anything in the world for it.  If it means spending the rest of my life single, so be it... It's a worthy sacrifice to make for being able to have my daughter in my life.

Wow, I wasn't planning on this entry going where it did... I guess all I can do is end on this note.

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