I am always slightly weary when I'm mentally preparing to lay down a blog. I am not one of those people who can just spill his guts and lay it all on the table, so I always feel the need to think and rethink what I say -- I don't view this as self-censorship... it's called being responsible. As much as I would like to think it's OK to thumb my nose up at the world, give it the bullocks and write whatever I want - I don't... I feel it to be irresponsible not only to myself but others who are within the inner circle of my life (namely my kids)... sure, there is part of me that would like get into greater detail about my pursuits when it comes the BIG THREE (love, life, and happiness), but it just doesn't feel like the right thing to do. As I mentioned before, I feel some things should be private especially when kids are involved - of course, just by writing this, I'm making it sound like I have something to hide... I don't (at least I don't think so)
To that end, I'd like to start with this. A friend of mine did something recently that I could appreciate (especially given my post marriage pursuits)... right or wrong - healthy or not... he took it upon himself to let it be known how heartbroken he was via his Facebook status. I too was shocked by the sudden break up of he and his girlfriend of one year, but I was in awe at what would come next... not because I necessarily agreed or disagreed with it (I'm still figuring out what I think about it) -- he posted his heartbreak and I watched as FB friend after FB friend began commenting, expressing their thoughts (some witty (like mine), some not (also like mine). I quickly began to grasp what was happening. I then watched as the ex-girl posted a comment (and then must of had second thoughts because it was quickly deleted)... but I then understood -- he had achieved his goal. He got her attention.
You see, he didn't post it because he wanted to let his FB friends know and comment nor did he post it to get "back" at the girl who gutted his heart... it was his way of letting "her" know he was hurt, but still wanted her back - he was trying to get her to respond (and for a moment she did - then deleted it). As Maxwell Smart would say (a la Don Adams) "Missed it by that much" -- I spoke to him later about it and he didn't seem to argue my theory. I expanded it to also conclude that he had turned his FB page into his very own Lloyd Dobler boombox belting out "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel. It was, for lack of a better word, kinda cool in my eyes... (ha, look at what I did there - completely unintentional and something I would normally delete... but fuck it! I'll leave in the cheesy "eyes" wordplay.) So he got a reaction... maybe not the one he wanted, but a reaction nonetheless... and the game continues.
So there is that... I liked that my friend went for it a little. I think sometimes when we have nothing to lose it's good to go for it... Sadly, as I may have mentioned in previous postings - life isn't like the movies and boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back doesn't always happen... In fact, more often than not it doesn't happen. I always preferred the "Some Kind of Wonderful" dynamic anyway (boy gets girl, boy realizes girl isn't the "one", dumps girl, and quickly realizes the close friend, who is a girl, is the "one") basically, get rid of Amanda Jones and go for the tomboy, drum playing Watts (hey, she was a cutie in my opinion) - On another note, I always like watching SKOW because they used my High School as the location and cast all the students as extras -- If I want to revisit my High School as it was in the late 80s, it makes for a great time capsule experience... the only bummer was I myself couldn't be an extra -- I can't remember if it was because I had a SAG card or I just had some other Summer stuff going down... bummer though - It would have been great to see myself in there with the others.
Double Side-Bar: Who would win in a fight? Hardy Jenns from Some Kind or Steff from Pretty In Pink? -- That's some Preppy fight I would like to see.
OK, back to it... there really isn't anything more to say about my friend except that I wish him the best. I don't know enough about the relationship that ended to say one way or the other as far as what happened... but, I'm smart enough to recognize when someone cares about someone else -- and as far as that goes... there is no question he does. I only hope that any woman I encounter knows and understands that any moments of stupidity a guy pulls (and I'm talking in the Lloyd Dobler way - be it phone calls, emails, drunk texting, etc.) are done solely for this reason.
Moving right along.
So, what is the Bruce Wayne Affair you ask? Why is it the title of this blog entry. Well, I will answer it for you my punchy fans. But I will preamble by saying what I always say - please don't construe this as anything more than self observation -- do I get sad sometimes? Yes. Depressed? Sure, but nothing ongoing or to be concerned about. I think these are things that are to be expected and is part of the adjustment period. You have to remember, I have spent the last 18 years living a certain way... and now that is all changing -- 18 years of habit forming instinct, behavior, and being has been altered -- I wonder if there is another version of me that exists in a Back To The Future scenario where my life actually continues to play out as it had been - I wonder if a future version of me or future relative of mine has traveled back in time from the future and somehow triggered all of this... that would be kind of cool in some weird Doc Brown Flux Capacitor sort of way... but again... digression.
As I was saying - my life right now is a series of moments and experiences where each day and moment is impacted by the ever changing landscape that is my life... what's this have to do with Bruce Wayne? I've concluded that I have in essence become a superhero. I currently have two lives playing out -- on one hand -- figuratively speaking, by day I continue to be a hard working publicist with two kids and all is right with the world (I work and when I have the kids I take care of their needs as I have since they were born) - By my account, in those moments nothing has really changed for the most part... however... By night, I am a single man who is starting over - friends, dating, all of it -- starting from scratch - and it can be hard... thank God I've created a blog, because it gives me something to do while I'm waiting for the next thing to start - be it spending time with my kids, waiting for my "single guy" plans, or even just a job related activity.
Remember, I was a guy who up until the end of my marriage always seem to have something to keep him busy, so I'm still figuring out this downtime stuff. Probably the hardest realization I've come to is how little of a social life I have... What's more is I have come to learn how very few guy friends I have compared to the amount of women friends ... almost too many... in fact, I was thinking about putting a brief moratorium on new female friends, because I think this new phase is about needing guy friends (I think it's that wolf pack mentality that helps in the pursuit of the opposite sex) - I used to fancy myself as being in tune with the feminine mystique -- you know where that gets you? The fucking friend zone... and to state it simply... I'm done with the fucking friend zone. This however does not apply to all current female friends -- only new ones need not apply... I think this way must stem from my childhood -- I was raised by women (mom, sisters, etc.) and due to my "late blooming" I had always been more socially accepted by women... In college, I had some good guy friends who to this day are my good friends, but they live in NYC so unfortunately I can't take advantage of that history. So I am off into the world to find more guy friends while I let the "nice guy" friend zone version of me die on the vine. How does this all play into the Bruce Wayne Affair? It indirectly does... it's just another example of how my two lives are playing out.
Hopefully at some stage in this game the two worlds will slowly fold into one another and I will once again have one life... but for now I am doomed to keep two identities afloat. That of mild-mannered working father and that of... of... of... I need a cool superhero name.... I need to give this some thought.
OK -- So now this post feels like an incomplete meditation on stuff... but then again I think that's OK as long as the reader finds it entertaining.
Go with a smile!
A Message to Apologists From a Survivor
1 week ago