Who am I? Could there be a lamer question for me to pose? I mean, seriously... in the world of blogs, there are probably a billion blog entries that take on such a question. And for the most part it's a rhetorical question giving the author an excuse to blow his mental load all over you (the reader) and impress you with his/her deep insight into what the true meaning of ones "self" is...
...I find that no matter what someone says about who they are there is no way to know. There will never be a unanimous decision about "who" someone is or was (the latter is reserved mostly for those funeral eulogies wherein friends and family share their thoughts and feelings on the dearly departed). I think ultimately the way we perceive ourselves versus how those perceive us can be far apart. The internal and external are in constant conflict. It's like those stories you hear on the news about people who go on some sort of rampage and when the neighbors are asked about the culprit -- what is it they always say? -- whatever it is, it's almost always in contrast to the event that's occurred.
I think it's like the saying that there are three sides to every story - my side, your side, and the truth... too bad that third part is unattainable. The third side is also someone giving their version of what they think. I guess that makes truth unattainable doesn't it... wow, that's a frustrating notion.
I guess there can be truth when it comes to things in the physical world. I eat an apple and someone says they saw me eat an apple... that's truth... but if I eat that apple and then proclaim it's gross, then we're getting into the emotional grey area of things. Was the apple rotten? Or perhaps I just don't like that particular type of apple.
So, if you wanted to find truth in who I am... well, there is the physical truth like height, weight, eye color, etc etc etc.... no argument there... but once we move beyond that and talk about things like personality that's when things veer off course.
OK -- I'm applying the brakes on this... I can't keep doing this.... these blog entries are getting exhausting. What am I doing? I'm sitting here trying to talk philosophically about shit -- trying to be profound... and that's the last thing I want to be... profound... Like I'm trying to impress you with my deep insights into the world. I barely graduated High School with a 2.0 (granted, I got my shit together in college), but it hardly makes me a great thinker. Gee, Greg -- your thoughts and writings are so good... you really make me take a another look at the world I live in. God, I hope I don't do that... sure, I've got thoughts on things... but I hardly think they're earth shattering concepts.
I want to vomit when I read this. You want to learn about "self", I am sure there are people way more qualified than I am to speak on it. Me? I'm just trying to get through another day. Working my ass off, raising my kids, saving some money, go on some dates, kiss some girls, and whatever goes along with that.
I spend waaaaaaay too much time thinking and thinking and thinking... just TURN THAT SHIT OFF and live for cryin' out loud. I need to stop worrying so much about everything and just take it as it comes and act accordingly... right? That's probably the best advice for living life. So from here on out I will do my best to do just that and stop doing stupid stuff.
And no more blogging for the sake of blogging...I gotta remember that I don't HAVE to come up with stuff... don't force it... just do it when it feels right.
What a shitty topic I started writing about above. "Self".... please - how stupid do I sound. Even the title... ooooh, Greg, you referencing one of the more off beat Woody Allen titles -- you must be into movies.
FUCK THIS! GOODNIGHT
A Message to Apologists From a Survivor
1 week ago