Saturday, April 10, 2010


Granted, that scene is an extreme example of how bad it can get for a guy... but the scene works because it's true in what it's trying to say. We've all been there, we've all felt the anxiety attributed to what is or isn't the right move in our attempts to court members of the opposite sex (or the same sex for that matter - although that's probably a whole different can of business I know nothing about). In that moment, Mikey is just a man desperate for something/someone and he's so afraid of messing it up, it's exactly what he achieves. Doesn't make him a bad person... he's simply human... but alas, as a guy, we feel like assholes when experiencing moments like this because our insecurities and neediness are getting the better of us.

What I also understand about this scene is that it shows how we as men like to roll on instinct and it's society's "rules" that muck it up for us... in fact, much is said in "Swingers" about the "rules" - Me? I've never liked them when it comes to relationships and feel that trying to instill rules sets one on a path of constant self doubt. Additionally, I feel it simply moves men and women away from the most important element of a relationship... "truth". As soon as we try to play by rules, we're ceasing to be honest and in turn "truth" is suddenly relegated to the back seat. I don't know about you, but I think that's wack (yeah, I said wack - what of it?!). Ultimately, Mikey is being faulted for daring to be honest, daring to act on instinct and doing what he wanted. If he didn't have self doubt already in place because of the rules his friends try to instill in him, he wouldn't have given the call a second thought... it's who he is.

I think if it were up to us, we would see what it is we want and go after it - bottom line. Screw how much time we're suppose to wait to call. I meet a girl - I want to see her... WTF am I waiting for? We're then either accepted or rejected and act accordingly (the rules really have no place in this world)... for cavemen, it was a matter of clubbing a lady on the head and dragging her into your cave... at least, that's what the funny cartoons from the days or yore would have us believe. I would like to lead my newly single life by this philosophy, but I am working against a system that's been place for God knows how long.

What do we know about rules? Well, first and foremost, they are limiting and once you try and limit someone's behavior they are immediately more drawn to want to go against it. Tell me not to do something and I'm more inclined to want to do it plain and simple. And, make an individual play by rules and you're no longer getting a true picture of who the person is. That's not to say there aren't guys who will wait three days to pick up the phone, but if that's who they are... then great - as long as they're being true to themselves and not doing it because they think that's what they have to do.

Now you may think I'm just laying this on men or saying that men have it tougher than women? I'm not. In fact, my guess would be that women experience these same moments but in different ways. I'm not a woman, so I couldn't say with any degree of certainty. I'll leave it to you ladies to tell me. If I'm to believe that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, then I must accept we are opposites (not talking about interests, hobbies or even religious beliefs - I'm talking about the hoo-ha and hey-nany-nany). It's this core difference which makes us opposites. What's it mean? Like LOVE it's probably indecipherable.

SIDE NOTE: Please don't take this as a sweeping generalization. I do know there are exceptions to all this... I definitely do not see the world in black & white.

So, with that, I ask this question. Is the instinct for "action" on the part of a man when it comes to pursuing the ladies countered with the woman's ability to be inactive... especially in the initial phase of the pursuit? Again, I have to look to the ladies to speak on their attitude/motivation when it comes to this. Or maybe it's because women potentially have more options (more suitors)that they can distract themselves while they decide who they want to move on.

Obviously there are endless debates as to how long one should wait to call, kiss, or run the train, etc., etc. - But I believe it's Mikey's insecurity, self doubt, or whatever you want to call it based on the shitty advice he gets that kills it before it can start... and that stinks like yesterday's garbage.

I would like to go on record and tell all of you reading this to do away with the rules. Do what you want to do and enjoy doing it... be your true self whatever that is and don't apologize for your actions. You want to call that girl up the next day (or even that night like Mikey did) - FUCKING DO IT! Or don't. I don't care... as long as it's what you're honestly feeling.

Now go out there and find love, mother fucker!



  1. You have the right idea my friend. Fuck the rules! our friends seem to mess things up by giving us advise. like my granny said" always consider your source" i think in the initial phase of the pursuit the man should take the initiative. It's so sexy when a man goes out of his way to make you feel special(dedicate a song, send you a love letter, buy you your favorite candy ect..). things get so complicated for those of us that are single in this decade..You get lines like" hit me up on facebook",I'll hollar", I'll text to hang out"..I feel like I'm lost in translation with text messages. Don't get me wrong I love to text,but sometimes we all need to hear a voice(hear laughing,ect) I think if a guy waits 3 or so days to call I will ignore him, and take the guy that is true to himself serious..just my two cents.

  2. Thanks, Cloud. Hit me up on Facebook - I'll Hollar.... :)