I'm just giving this to you to listen to so you can feel me:
So, come on....
Monday, February 28, 2011
2/27/11
Sorry about that post last night, ya'll...
I was clearly on sensory overload! It happens.
You know what's interesting... troubling?
The more time that passes and the more I continue to struggle with relationships the more complicated things get... why is that?
There is something to be said for simplicity -- I know inherently that life does not need to be complicated. It's us who complicate things... so why am I complicating things? I don't think I have a choice.
I remember back (and have written about) the first girl a really sorta dated post marriage. While there were issues that ultimately led to the demise of "dating", there was something rather simple and easy about it. I was set-up, we went out, we liked being together... done - sort of. Even after I had to tell her I was getting a divorce and had two kids (because the "set-upper" did not properly prepare her) she was willing to give it a whirl. Granted she may not have agreed to go out had she'd known (so I give her credit for giving it a "whirl").
As I said, there was something simple about two people just liking each other and being together. I think in that case, she complicated things and then I followed suit. I was just happy to be there and with someone who was good to me and liked being with me. It was the other things that were out of my hands (divorcee, kids, do I want to marry again, do I want more kids -- you know, the usual). Once things got complicated it was hard to make it back from the simple beginnings. I started complicating things too with the "am I ready am I not" etc...
Again, something happened even more recently... and now I'm beginning to question myself, my sense of self, who I am - maybe I'm not a good "catch". Sure, maybe I give a great first impression, but once the layers get peeled away... I'm not longer what I first appeared. I'm not sure. Like I said - I'm complicating things. I'm questioning. I get gun shy about women the more things don't work out. I'm afraid to say too much for fear of scaring someone off - and perhaps doing too little has the same impact. I'm not sure I know how to be.
I'd say be myself, but who myself is is changing. I'm soft spoken in some cases. In others, I'm affable and upbeat. Other times I just want quiet.
What once seemed simple has now become complicated, which leads me to believe that in order to be an active participant in life things are going to be complicated... it's just a given.
More on all this later as I continue to experience things.
But I go back to something my Grandmother said to me and I need to remember it more. It makes a part of pursuing someone a little less complicated. And that's this...
Why do people do what they do? Because they want to."
Their actions reveal all. An unreturned call or email means it wasn't/isn't important enough. Use that information to asses where things stand. In many instances what people do and say are very different. Go by the former... not the latter. Obviously, you need to determine the legitimacy of what someone is saying as far as that goes. But "I was so busy" (or any phrase in that realm) doesn't cut it... it means it wasn't important enough for that person to respond. There is a more in-depth answer, but that's the simple way to put it... and I like keeping things simple. So take what my Grandmother says above and look at it this way
Why didn't he or she call you back? Because he or she didn't want to.
Twitter it, Hash tag it... and post it.
Out.
I was clearly on sensory overload! It happens.
You know what's interesting... troubling?
The more time that passes and the more I continue to struggle with relationships the more complicated things get... why is that?
There is something to be said for simplicity -- I know inherently that life does not need to be complicated. It's us who complicate things... so why am I complicating things? I don't think I have a choice.
I remember back (and have written about) the first girl a really sorta dated post marriage. While there were issues that ultimately led to the demise of "dating", there was something rather simple and easy about it. I was set-up, we went out, we liked being together... done - sort of. Even after I had to tell her I was getting a divorce and had two kids (because the "set-upper" did not properly prepare her) she was willing to give it a whirl. Granted she may not have agreed to go out had she'd known (so I give her credit for giving it a "whirl").
As I said, there was something simple about two people just liking each other and being together. I think in that case, she complicated things and then I followed suit. I was just happy to be there and with someone who was good to me and liked being with me. It was the other things that were out of my hands (divorcee, kids, do I want to marry again, do I want more kids -- you know, the usual). Once things got complicated it was hard to make it back from the simple beginnings. I started complicating things too with the "am I ready am I not" etc...
Again, something happened even more recently... and now I'm beginning to question myself, my sense of self, who I am - maybe I'm not a good "catch". Sure, maybe I give a great first impression, but once the layers get peeled away... I'm not longer what I first appeared. I'm not sure. Like I said - I'm complicating things. I'm questioning. I get gun shy about women the more things don't work out. I'm afraid to say too much for fear of scaring someone off - and perhaps doing too little has the same impact. I'm not sure I know how to be.
I'd say be myself, but who myself is is changing. I'm soft spoken in some cases. In others, I'm affable and upbeat. Other times I just want quiet.
What once seemed simple has now become complicated, which leads me to believe that in order to be an active participant in life things are going to be complicated... it's just a given.
More on all this later as I continue to experience things.
But I go back to something my Grandmother said to me and I need to remember it more. It makes a part of pursuing someone a little less complicated. And that's this...
Why do people do what they do? Because they want to."
Their actions reveal all. An unreturned call or email means it wasn't/isn't important enough. Use that information to asses where things stand. In many instances what people do and say are very different. Go by the former... not the latter. Obviously, you need to determine the legitimacy of what someone is saying as far as that goes. But "I was so busy" (or any phrase in that realm) doesn't cut it... it means it wasn't important enough for that person to respond. There is a more in-depth answer, but that's the simple way to put it... and I like keeping things simple. So take what my Grandmother says above and look at it this way
Why didn't he or she call you back? Because he or she didn't want to.
Twitter it, Hash tag it... and post it.
Out.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
2/26/11
It's getting late... I should have posted something hours and hours ago. I spent the entire day working, so I'm going to try and get something out on the page before I pass out of exhaustion.
** Warning - Family members who choose to read on must keep their mouths shut. If I'm going to share my feelings it doesn't mean I need an email from you checking in. This is therapy for me, so keep your input to yourself. **
There - that's better.
So, now that's out of the way... what is it I want to share tonight.
I'm sad tonight.
I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the fact that I've been on my feet today volunteering my time and my protective layer has been depleted, leaving me susceptible to what I'm feeling.
I worked hard today and when all was said and done - I went home alone to an empty apartment to fall asleep in a bed by myself. It's so quiet to (again, part of this must be just the coming down off the sensory assault I went through today. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow.
That's it - I've shared... now I must sleep.
Keep it real...
** Warning - Family members who choose to read on must keep their mouths shut. If I'm going to share my feelings it doesn't mean I need an email from you checking in. This is therapy for me, so keep your input to yourself. **
There - that's better.
So, now that's out of the way... what is it I want to share tonight.
I'm sad tonight.
I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the fact that I've been on my feet today volunteering my time and my protective layer has been depleted, leaving me susceptible to what I'm feeling.
I worked hard today and when all was said and done - I went home alone to an empty apartment to fall asleep in a bed by myself. It's so quiet to (again, part of this must be just the coming down off the sensory assault I went through today. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow.
That's it - I've shared... now I must sleep.
Keep it real...
Saturday, February 26, 2011
2/25/11
I had an interesting conversation the other day with a couple of women - a conversation about the beginning stages of a relationship.
Now, I've been out and about - dating and what not... With each date I'm presented with an opportunity. And with that opportunity it's for me to determine what is and isn't right for me. So, how do I decide what is or isn't right for me?
Now, I spoke before about assumption and how it's never good to assume anything. If I'm dating someone and I feel myself begin to get insecure or start second guessing things I have two choices - either spin my wheels right out the situation or confront and simply ask for clarification on what it is I'm assuming... BUT - there is something else I need to let myself rely on... and that's instinct. Assumptions, fear or whatever you want to call it - sometimes you have to go on instinct and what your gut is sensing. Even if what your feeling isn't in line with the other person and what's really going on, you still know what it is you want and there is something to be said for not getting what you want.
I'm experiencing something now that I am going to hold off getting into... for reasons that will be explained later. As I've said, I don't want to write about current relationships because I think if I do it I'm just waiting to fuck up a good thing. Could you imagine if I started dating someone and it really started working out and she suddenly discovered I had a blog and had been documenting my pursuits her.. I think that would simply be baaad news. Anyway, if my gut is telling me anything right now, it's that it's a pretty safe bet I'll be expanding on this post soon.
Is any of this making sense? I'm slightly delirious and have been working non-stop this weekend.
Bottom line - I feel like I'm still calibrating the internal love system and learning how to do all this for the first time.
I wish you all everything.
May love prevail.
Outtie 5000
Now, I've been out and about - dating and what not... With each date I'm presented with an opportunity. And with that opportunity it's for me to determine what is and isn't right for me. So, how do I decide what is or isn't right for me?
Now, I spoke before about assumption and how it's never good to assume anything. If I'm dating someone and I feel myself begin to get insecure or start second guessing things I have two choices - either spin my wheels right out the situation or confront and simply ask for clarification on what it is I'm assuming... BUT - there is something else I need to let myself rely on... and that's instinct. Assumptions, fear or whatever you want to call it - sometimes you have to go on instinct and what your gut is sensing. Even if what your feeling isn't in line with the other person and what's really going on, you still know what it is you want and there is something to be said for not getting what you want.
I'm experiencing something now that I am going to hold off getting into... for reasons that will be explained later. As I've said, I don't want to write about current relationships because I think if I do it I'm just waiting to fuck up a good thing. Could you imagine if I started dating someone and it really started working out and she suddenly discovered I had a blog and had been documenting my pursuits her.. I think that would simply be baaad news. Anyway, if my gut is telling me anything right now, it's that it's a pretty safe bet I'll be expanding on this post soon.
Is any of this making sense? I'm slightly delirious and have been working non-stop this weekend.
Bottom line - I feel like I'm still calibrating the internal love system and learning how to do all this for the first time.
I wish you all everything.
May love prevail.
Outtie 5000
Friday, February 25, 2011
2/24/11
Never seen you looking so lovely like you did tonight/Never seen you shine so bright...
Take a look at me/Tell me do you like what you see...
I don't see nothing wrong -- with a little bump & grind...
Don't you want me baby/Don't you want me ohhh-ohhhhh...
Shoot that poison arrow through my heaaaaart/Shoot that poison arrow....
Don't go for second best, baby/if you know your love it real...
I hope I got most of those quotes right.
Adios, kids
Take a look at me/Tell me do you like what you see...
I don't see nothing wrong -- with a little bump & grind...
Don't you want me baby/Don't you want me ohhh-ohhhhh...
Shoot that poison arrow through my heaaaaart/Shoot that poison arrow....
Don't go for second best, baby/if you know your love it real...
I hope I got most of those quotes right.
Adios, kids
Thursday, February 24, 2011
2/23/11
You are all catching me at my complete worst creatively...
These postings are mere place holders for what should be exceptional pieces of written literature.... or at least some funny self deprecating stoof.
My excuse? Well it's the usual -- it's just one of those weeks... you know the ones... the one makes you want to call up that shrink in Beverly Hills... you know the one... Dr. Everything Is Gonna Be Alright...
Anyway -- it's a crazy time right now... but I promise I'll have some good stories to share this coming weekend... I'll be able to breath a little...
I send hugs, kisses, moonbeams, and rainbows your way.
NOW GO AWAY!!!!
These postings are mere place holders for what should be exceptional pieces of written literature.... or at least some funny self deprecating stoof.
My excuse? Well it's the usual -- it's just one of those weeks... you know the ones... the one makes you want to call up that shrink in Beverly Hills... you know the one... Dr. Everything Is Gonna Be Alright...
Anyway -- it's a crazy time right now... but I promise I'll have some good stories to share this coming weekend... I'll be able to breath a little...
I send hugs, kisses, moonbeams, and rainbows your way.
NOW GO AWAY!!!!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
2/22/11
I just - I just - I just..... can't do it today... I'm sorry... I'm drowning in a sea of work.
I want to thank the person who gave me the album "The Midnight Organ Fight" that includes this song... amazing!
Now, piss off!
I wrote you a poem yesterday... I'm not James Frickin' Franco who can clearly do two billion things at once.
That guy is freaking incredible. He's super-human.
Me?
I am...
A) Human
B) Sub Human
C) Inhumane
D) TBD
I want to add this brilliant quote from a song called "Keep Yourself Warm" by Frightened Rabbit:
"It takes more than fucking someone you don't know to keep warm."
I want to thank the person who gave me the album "The Midnight Organ Fight" that includes this song... amazing!
Now, piss off!
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