Monday, February 28, 2011

2/27/11

Sorry about that post last night, ya'll...


I was clearly on sensory overload!  It happens.


You know what's interesting... troubling?


The more time that passes and the more I continue to struggle with relationships the more complicated things get... why is that?


There is something to be said for simplicity -- I know inherently that life does not need to be complicated.  It's us who complicate things... so why am I complicating things?  I don't think I have a choice.


I remember back (and have written about) the first girl a really sorta dated post marriage.  While there were issues that ultimately led to the demise of "dating", there was something rather simple and easy about it.  I was set-up, we went out, we liked being together... done - sort of.  Even after I had to tell her I was getting a divorce and had two kids (because the "set-upper" did not properly prepare her) she was willing to give it a whirl.  Granted she may not have agreed to go out had she'd known (so I give her credit for giving it a "whirl").


As I said, there was something simple about two people just liking each other and being together.  I think in that case, she complicated things and then I followed suit.  I was just happy to be there and with someone who was good to me and liked being with me.  It was the other things that were out of my hands (divorcee, kids, do I want to marry again, do I want more kids -- you know, the usual).  Once things got complicated it was hard to make it back from the simple beginnings.  I started complicating things too with the "am I ready am I not" etc...


Again, something happened even more recently... and now I'm beginning to question myself, my sense of self, who I am - maybe I'm not a good "catch".  Sure, maybe I give a great first impression, but once the layers get peeled away... I'm not longer what I first appeared.  I'm not sure.  Like I said - I'm complicating things.  I'm questioning.  I get gun shy about women the more things don't work out. I'm afraid to say too much for fear of scaring someone off - and perhaps doing too little has the same impact.  I'm not sure I know how to be.


I'd say be myself, but who myself is is changing.  I'm soft spoken in some cases.  In others, I'm affable and upbeat.  Other times I just want quiet.


What once seemed simple has now become complicated, which leads me to believe that in order to be an active participant in life things are going to be complicated... it's just a given.


More on all this later as I continue to experience things.


But I go back to something my Grandmother said to me and I need to remember it more.  It makes a part of pursuing someone a little less complicated.  And that's this...


Why do people do what they do?  Because they want to."  


Their actions reveal all.  An unreturned call or email means it wasn't/isn't important enough.  Use that information to asses where things stand.  In many instances what people do and say are very different.  Go by the former... not the latter.  Obviously, you need to determine the legitimacy of what someone is saying as far as that goes.  But "I was so busy" (or any phrase in that realm) doesn't cut it... it means it wasn't important enough for that person to respond.  There is a more in-depth answer, but that's the simple way to put it... and I like keeping things simple.  So take what my Grandmother says above and look at it this way


Why didn't he or she call you back?  Because he or she didn't want to.


Twitter it, Hash tag it... and post it.


Out.

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