Wednesday, March 30, 2011


Here is a fun little tale from the pages of Heartless history.  Perfect for theYOLD.

But first, I feel like it needs some music to keep you company.

So, the year was around 1988 I think.  I had recently graduated from High School (barely) and was slumming it around L.A. and going to Junior College.  I had been living in the valley with this kid I went to High School with.  We had a two bedroom.  He was Gay... but I was clueless.  I didn't really look at people in those terms.  Sure, I met him in my theatre class in High School.  Sure, he was somewhat flamboyant (not overly mind you).  Sure, he was very much into George Michael.  Sure.... you get the point.  I even remember my parents saying to me "You know he's Gay, right?"  Since he wasn't open about it, it wasn't my place to judge or make assumptions.  Well, maybe he was open about it... just not to me.  I just thought he was a funny guy.  Anyway, I digress.  I'm just painting the picture of the time.  

Eventually, we both moved out.  I remember I came down with Mono and moved into my dad's place for the summer.  I would eventually get my own studio apartment in Studio City.  I was enjoying being on my own (although I was completely learning as I went).  Paying bills, pushing my credit cards to the max, and spending my savings.  I didn't have much "game" yet with the ladies, however, I was getting into DJing college parties and that actually helped in the "hook up" department.  Everyone loves a DJ at a party ;) - even this runty kid.

So now comes the story.  Mind you, I don't think there is a moral to this one, rather it's kind of entertaining.  Perhaps karmic in nature.  So, once upon a time, in the magical land of Westwood, CA there was a place called Fun Trax.  Yes, with an "X" because it was hip.  It was one of those places you went to record yourself singing some of your favorite hit songs.  Not only that, they had a room where you and your friends could video yourselves busting out the jamz (with a "Z" because it's hip).  I remember going in there and meeting the hot blonde behind the counter (I can't remember her name now).  Her job was simply to help you pick a song, set you up, and send you on your way - cassette of the experience in hand.

Immediately, I was crushing on this girl... I mean she was fawking hawt!  I can't remember if she had a boyfriend or had broken up with him.... whatever.  It doesn't matter.  All I know is I suddenly became the character Mark "Rat" Ratner in Fast Times.  Damone's speech rings in my ear: "You bought $40 worth of fucking film and you didn't even talk to her.  You don't even own a camera."  OK, it wasn't that bad, but I went there a lot whether it was to make tapes or just say "hey".  Like I said, I was crushing hard and at that point was actually living in Westwood, so it was oh so easy to stop in.  Of course, she wasn't interested, but I think that's common kind of crush to have.  And just to reiterate... the girl was hawt.... like I said - FAWKING HAWT.

I remember one time my step brother and I went in and cut a hilarious version of the Def Leppard jam "Pour Some Sugar On Me" -- yes it still exists somewhere.

So, how does this story end?  Oh -- here it comes.  So anyway.  Some years pass.  I went on to lose my virginity, go away to a real college, etc.  Life was happening and I moved on from the Fun Trax (with an "X") girl.  Years later my phone rings... it's her.  She's sounds cool on the phone and we have a brief catch up.  She suggests we get together.  I'm down - Fun Trax was a hawty!  I go out to wherever she lives (I remember it sure wasn't close to Westwood).  I get there and ring the doorbell.  Her mom answers and greets me with a pleasant smile - like she's heard good things about me.  Like she's glad I'm there to hang with her daughter.  Then Fun Trax comes out....and...well -- the girl was now the opposite of the hot, thin blonde I met years prior.  The only thing that was the same was the color of her hair.  She had packed on some pounds - she was no longer Fun Trax, she was Fat Trax.  I have a recollection that she may have said on the phone she had gained a little weight - I can't exactly recall.  But, this wasn't a little weight.  Fuck "Pour Some Sugar on Me"... this girl must have been pouring sugar all over everything!

The date itself is a little hazy - but I do remember sitting in her room watching a movie at the end of the night.  I think she wanted to make-out, but I wasn't interested.  I didn't fool around with her or anything.  Suddenly she was interested and I wasn't.  Now, don't take this as me being mean, but come on - the girl only took a liking to me AFTER she was no longer desirable to the men she was fond of.  Come on... that's messed up, right?

Anyway the movie ended, I headed for the door, said goodnight, and never saw her again. I hope she ended up meeting someone and getting everything she wanted.

I hope that wasn't anti climatic.  It's just a funny memory I have.  One of many.  I like that I can recall these things.  They're fun to think about sometimes.

Anyway, thanks for listening... as always.

Sleepy Sleep

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