I told you there wouldn't be much to say today. I was in full work mode and hardly had much time to think about women/girls... notice the word "hardly" - I always seem to manage something.
I AIM'd with a girl I innocently fooled around with but then opted not to push it further. Nice girl, but I just get a sense pretty quickly if someone is or isn't for me. It's sort of the reason I'm so perplexed by the concept of dating someone for any real period of time... I mean, don't you know within the first few weeks if this person is the right match for you? How does someone seriously date a person for two, three, even six months and only then decide it's not working out? I honestly don't have that figured out.
Look, the first girl I dated (I mean, dated! -- previously referred in this blog as an old heartbreak - let's call her Mindy) was someone I was into, but even in that scenario it was on and off for about three months because we were each wrestling with fact that I was newly separated and in the end Mindy just didn't want to deal with me. Not to put the blame on her -- I clearly wasn't ready for a REAL relationship... but it's a bummer. I did feel something for her. Not saying she was THE ONE and all, but it was the first time I felt something for a woman other than my ex and it felt really nice -- it still bums me out slightly when I run into her. Granted, I see Mindy in a new light and can tell she has her own demons she's wrestling with*... so it wasn't necessarily all me. She's eff'd up too (We all are aren't we? To some degree?)
*what else do you call it when you go from responding to texts and meeting up, even if it's just to catch up, to suddenly going radio silent? And then seeing me and being like "hey, what's going on?" I call it confusing. **
**literally got a call from Mindy as I was typing this to see if I wanted to grab a drink (sorry, got the kids tonight -- but I did offer for her to come by my place and chat... she passed and said that would be weird. Not sure why. We're not dating - no different than if a friend came over to talk) --- like I said... SHE'S got issue too :)
I remember talking to Mindy well after we had ended our run and she just been through the ringer with another guy... and she looked devastated. I don't think I did that to her. I don't think we ever got serious enough for me to devastate her (I was slightly devastated, but I'm sure it also had to do with where I was at in my divorce). I also remember the first time I saw my ex-wife broken up about a guy... talk about weird. It's a strange thing to see the mother of your kids broken up over another man. And the truth is, I want her to be happy... I want Mindy to be happy -- shit, we all deserve happiness. And if the person you call your bf or gf or hubby or wifey isn't given it to you then you need to figure it out or change it up because life is toooooooo short.
Wow, I really got off track here - and I thought I had nothing to say... there is always something to say and I have so many stories to speak on. I've spent the last year meeting all sorts of people (meaning girls). Girls who were into me who I wasn't into and vice versa. It's such an odd experience. And where once I would get insecure and think it was me, I now realized it isn't me - I know there is someone out there who I am right for and who is right for me. If a girl isn't into me or decides I'm not for her, God bless her for knowing what she doesn't want. Because she is no different than me -- she's being selfish and she is trying to find that someone who will give her what she wants.
OK, enough chit chat -- tomorrow is a big day. I'm going to text Cath and see if she wants to have drinks on Thursday night (maybe even some food). Wish me luck Y.O.L.D. readers. I promise to let you know what happens. Don't get excited - it's very possible I'll get rejected.... Argh! That would suck....
I guess I could always call Mindy for a meet up... couldn't I?
When Death Happens, Nature Welcomes You.
2 weeks ago